Weve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and theres no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next., Gods face clouded over and he exploded, What? Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. A. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. You've got an engineer? I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. When I retire, Im going to enjoy my life and live off my savings. But retirement can be boring only can be! Light Bulbs How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? The old rooster takes off running. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. A mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. trapstar taking a. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. "Ain't that just like a blonde? That sure is a great bike. It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! ", The engineer, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Ok, but if theyre blind then why cant they play at night?. He says to himself, Hmm. Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Q: Why did the electron throw up? The engineer goes second. What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job, and refuses to retire? Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. One afternoon early into the . Be nice to your kids. A: None. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. Ive changed my will three times!. And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. A: He was spinning. 03. Youre in the wrong place.. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Enjoy! He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! My Boss has an OCD. The frog then cries out, If you kiss me and turn me back, Ill do whatever you say! Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it, and puts it back into his pocket. Whos there? Want some more? "Let's see what you have. Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. Why are retired people who are misers so special? The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Vehicle mechanics? Thats a hardware issue. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked one lawyer. Q: What did the mechanical frog say? And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". Someone has left it on the kitchen table. He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? A friend passed his degree in sound engineering. After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. I'm an engineer. An attractive retired woman answered the door. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. I just remembered I left the water running. A; They had truss issues.. A: Ow that Hertz. You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. Try not to laugh while reading it! He replied, I cant wait.. He says, I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. 02. It was a cos for concern. High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. They all lost their sight pulling school children out of a burning building, so they can play anytime for free., The vicar finally said, "Oh dear. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. RHR. Talk about overreacting. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. The engineer goes second. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. Control Freak. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. Then why not share them with your friends? In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Know an engineering joke we missed? The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Because thats where all the Penguinones are! Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. Why are there so many old people in Church? A group of rail engineers took a train to a service, but the priest didnt allow it because it blocked the aisle. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. I. O. Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. Planning for a retirement party? Are you looking for more retirement humor? It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! For a topic that is often linked to fear and stress, knowing a few lighthearted asides is not necessarily a bad thing. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. Their bark is worse than their byte. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. 6. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time it's important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. There is still only one check in my checkbook. Talking About My Medication by the Who. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. You are signed up for our newsletter! Whos there? Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. Im not too worried, I think shes jokin(h7834 ljn m,.nbz iylkhj 78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf. Who ya gonna call? The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. At the conclusion of the test, one of the applicants was called into the manager's office. Send him up here. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. I survived a teaching career with my sanity intact. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. ", "Look, said the man. ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? A: He had more degrees. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist A solution exists! and goes back to sleep. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! I have some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin. Says. You finally have enough experience and then have to retire! What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. The chemist tries to erode the can. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. That doesnt work either. The doctor replies, OK. He should never have been sent down there. Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Youre between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. Have a look and let us amuse you. ", Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.". So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. 80s style outfit. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.. If not, good luck understanding half of these jokes. Heck, it worked for the priest. How do you know you are old enough to retire? The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power .